Eight ways to be a great dinner guest
The holidays are upon us, and that means lots of holiday parties! While we collectively relearn the art of regular life and social rhythms in the post pandemic era, here are seven tips to ensure that you are a great guest!
- Don’t arrive early, and don’t be late. Plan your arrival according to the context of the event. If it is a casual drop-in or potluck where people come and go, being late may be just fine. However, for a sit-down dinner, plan so that you don’t arrive early and are not late. When in doubt, arriving within five minutes of the suggested time works well. If you’re delayed beyond that, a text or call letting them know your estimated time of arrival is appropriate.
- Come prepared with a couple of positive conversation starters. Be willing to actively engage with all attendees. Especially if there are people who don’t know each other well, stick to generic non-personal topics. Examples – An interesting product you spotted at the store, favorite local takeout spots, etc.
- Be flexible about helping out. Instead of the generic “Can I help?”, ask “Would you like company, or do you prefer to work alone?” OR “HOW can I help? Give me a task.” Some hosts love help and conversation in the kitchen. Others have anxiety around people watching them cook or hovering in their space and asking questions while they are trying to concentrate. If they decline your offer to help, but seem like they would enjoy conversation, stay and keep them company, maybe bring them a drink.
- Try not to go empty handed. If you bring food or drink that the host didn’t ask you to bring, bring something that doesn’t have to be served right away. Many hosts love personally curating each meal course. By bringing a random dish, there is a risk that your dish won’t go with their menu, and they will feel pressure to serve what you brought instead of their carefully planned and cooked meal. If bringing food, my go-to is usually something homemade that they can enjoy for breakfast the next day – a nice bread and jam, cut up fruit, etc. For non-food options, a beautiful flower bouquet for your hostess is always a good idea.
- Put your phone away. Enough said.
- Compliment the meal. I don’t mean the overly generic “Wow, this is great!”, but rather “These green beans taste so buttery, I’m loving the flavor combination.” Your host went through the process of carefully planning a meal, specific compliments show that you truly do appreciate the effort they put in.
- Don’t overstay your welcome. Read the room and non-verbal cues like yawning, or if the host starts cleaning up, etc. it may be time to take a hint to leave.
- Send a thank you note. Write a sentence or two about something specific about your time at their home. Snail mail, email, whatever form it takes, just say thanks!
Ultimately, dinner parties are supposed to be fun. So relax, and do your part as a guest to make it a pleasant experience for all.
